So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
