i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They have beer where we have blood.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
