We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
