Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
