I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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