I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
