If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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