Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
