So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am naked and annoyed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
