but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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