dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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