she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
