So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
