haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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