and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
