Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i think im in europe. pls send help
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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