we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
