he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
