you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
