Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
