A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
