A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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