yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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