u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
