C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
