i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize