Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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