a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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