Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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