we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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