I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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