tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
