I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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