I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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