the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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