well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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