Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.

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(509): I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo. http://tfl.nu/veuj

Replies (16) Good night (4649) Bad night (537)
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(707): View more from California

tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?

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(707): tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers? http://tfl.nu/o0vq

Replies (16) Good night (884) Bad night (4719)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.

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(203): There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/0we4

Replies (20) Good night (5005) Bad night (1032)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.

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(503): Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality. http://tfl.nu/vr2w

Replies (13) Good night (4288) Bad night (1218)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

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(440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3

Replies (51) Good night (15414) Bad night (3955)
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(314): View more from Missouri

the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

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(314): the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick. http://tfl.nu/zpzn

Replies (18) Good night (1187) Bad night (6272)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.

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(337): Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/ao6t

Replies (30) Good night (9497) Bad night (1147)
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(573): View more from Missouri

You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.

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(573): You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad. http://tfl.nu/q4da

Replies (6) Good night (2376) Bad night (1351)
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(804): View more from Virginia

French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.

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(804): French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops. http://tfl.nu/0hfd

Replies (5) Good night (2121) Bad night (653)
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(260): View more from Indiana

He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.

(317): View more from Indiana

I know, she tried to drink it

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(260): He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street. (317): I know, she tried to drink it http://tfl.nu/h1z5

Replies (10) Good night (1070) Bad night (2562)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof

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(412): I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof http://tfl.nu/k401

Replies (7) Good night (3063) Bad night (702)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am

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(832): My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am http://tfl.nu/1emj

Replies (7) Good night (759) Bad night (1483)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

Still. Make it happen

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(215): Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both" (1-215): Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen. (1-215): Still. Make it happen http://tfl.nu/b78c

Replies (3) Good night (633) Bad night (308)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.

(843): View more from South Carolina

Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?

(404): View more from Georgia

I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.

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(404): I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight. (843): Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back? (404): I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me. http://tfl.nu/tm5b

Replies (2) Good night (337) Bad night (580)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.

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(403): You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend. http://tfl.nu/t4di

Replies (3) Good night (343) Bad night (429)

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