I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish there were birth control emojis
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.