Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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