I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.