If i come over, it means nothing
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.