i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...