So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
