I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
