you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Farmville is her only friend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
