I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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