I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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