the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize