Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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