I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Farmville is her only friend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
