My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
