If that was your dad, he is hot
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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