Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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