Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
