walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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