But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize