nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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