hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
