the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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