OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
