bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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