hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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