Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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