keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
