you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
