Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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