She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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