i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
