I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You are the jesus of drinking
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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