Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
