apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
