how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
