Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sobbing to NWA
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
