She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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