There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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