i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
