oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
