I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
