Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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