Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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