maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
