Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
