Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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