none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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