Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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